We know….we know how dark it has been this winter and how miserable you’ve been.  If you have been in Chicago, its been especially hard.  We were just rated the 10th most miserable city in the country and if you are reading this elsewhere, then you are probably living in one of the 0ther 9 top contenders.  Probably Cleveland.  No matter what songs say, Cleveland sucks.

And for months now you have been checking this website for a little escapism.  A place to get away to.  A place where you can live amongst Vampires and Zombie Chefs, like we all dream of doing.  But recently these dreams have gone stale.  The Zombie just makes shake n’ bake for you now and you’ve now seen the elusive Vampires and they look like a stupid creature from Doctor Who.

You need something new to light your candle, wet your whistle, skin your grandmother and other such things!  Well, you are in luck!  LONG PORK HAS A NEW VIDEO!!! Yeppers  you read correctly (Unless you are dyslexic then instead read this: LONG PORK VIDEO NEW A HAS)!!!!  Great all on the same page now?!?

Check out our newest creation Greensleeves. This is the planting show everyone wishes was on thier local PBS station, because we all have planting show wishes that go year after year without being fulfilled.

So here you go!  Have fun!  And kiss your mom for us and apologize to her for that grandmother thing we said…

Hello Pretty People,

Voting is over for the Chicago Metromix “So You Think You Can Funny?” Contest.

We’d like to thank everyone that voted for us and to everyone that voted each day. We really appreciate the love and support. It was really down to the wire. We had a strong lead in the beginning, 13%, eventually dipping down lower and lower. We ended at 7%. Which is amazing when you think about it. A lot of people didn’t even get a percentage.

In short, we feel the love.

Somebody likes us… And it’s you.

And you want to know something… We like you too.

To find out the end-END results, check back on Dec.7th right.

In the meantime, we are working hard on new material, and new video’s, and new words for new. So that way when you come back to visit, you at least know a new word for new.

So, get ready for some more tasty Long Pork!

Hello Pretty People!

It’s time to vote for the funniest video in the “So You Think You Can Funny?” Contest for The Second City & Metromix Chicago!

Exciting! Dangerous! Wondrous! We are really exhilarated to be in the running and now we need your votes to be in the Top 5. We’d love to be in the top 5 (who wouldn’t?) and be seen by a panel of Second City alumnus — Fred Willard, Rachel Dratch, Jeff Garlin and Mick Napier!

It goes without saying, but sometimes it’s nice to say, how much we love all of you for the support you give to us.

We would also like to give a shout out to our man, Zoran Gvojic, for his video “Cell Phone P.S.A.“, which is great. So, on the off chance you don’t love “Vampires: The Movie“, at least your vote can go to one of The Gentlemen.

But, as much as we love Zoran, vote for “Vampires: The Movie“.

So to recap:
Vote for “Vampires: The Movie“.
We love Zoran.
Oh, and vote for “Vampires: The Movie” and show The Gentlemen of Long Pork some love!

Your Friends,
The Gentlemen

Well, pretty people, we did it.

We have been accepted into the ninth annual largest sketch-comedy festival in the country! YES! JOY!! BOOYAH!!!

Now comes the tough part: What to wear? Because we don’t want to show up in the same outfits we wore before. We have to out do ourselves. We have to stand out. We need to sparkle like vampires in the sun. Diamond skin. We know we have a few things laying around but, everything looks so, festive. It’s as if everything we own makes us look like we are going to a party, or a wedding. We haven’t been to a party, or a wedding for that matter, in hours.

Should we wear these black suits, with those pink shirts, and red ties?

Mmmmm, no, no.

Maybe these black suits, with those pink shirts, and red ties?

Eeeeeee, nah, no, nope.

Ah-HA!

We’ll wear these black SUITS, with those pink SHIRTS, and red TIEZ!

FRAK YES!

Now we are cooking with a very unstable chemical that is on fire! That “Z” really helped. I love that letter sometimes.

For festival and ticket information, please visit Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival.

Hmmm, now to figure out which black shoez to wear…

Ha, there it is again.

Edgey.

In the attempt to keep people updated with the goings on of the L Porkers, we just wanted to let everyone know where they can find us at any given moment of the day!

Charley will be performing in the last performance of ”Scientology: the (unauthorized) Musical” at the Annoyance theatre.  The show is this Saturday (Sept 12) at 8pm and tickets can be purchased on the cheap at www.Goldstar.com or regular price by calling 773.561.HONK.

Also, starting later in the month you can find him again at the Annoyance performing in “Splatter Theatre”.  A comedic parody of horror films that is not to be missed.

Of course you can always find Zoran at www.lowcarbcomedy.com(and sometimes Charley and Lee too), Seth can be found at your local Pop-eye’s Chicken, and Zack is still quiet…..suspiciously quiet. 

Don’t watch this! Seacrest out!